How to Handle Being Underestimated
Let’s talk about something that happens to almost everyone at some point, especially women: being underestimated.
It can show up at work, in relationships, in social settings, or even within your own family. Someone assumes you’re less capable, less informed, less serious, or less powerful than you actually are. And while it can sting, how you respond matters more than the moment itself.
This week, we’re talking about how to handle being underestimated without feeling the need to prove yourself, just staying calm and grounded.
First, Let’s Normalize It
Being underestimated doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong. In fact, research suggests the opposite.
Studies summarized by the National Library of Medicine (NLM) show that people often rely on cognitive shortcuts (called heuristics) when assessing others, especially in unfamiliar or biased environments. That means assumptions are often made quickly, and inaccurately.
In other words:
Sometimes people underestimate you because they don’t have enough information, not because you lack ability.
And sometimes… because your silence doesn’t look like their version of power.
1. Don’t Rush to Correct the Narrative
The instinct when someone underestimates you is to explain, overperform, or overprove. Don’t.
Research in social psychology shows that people perceived as confident tend to speak less, pause more, and choose their words intentionally. According to findings published in Frontiers in Psychology, calm, measured responses increase perceptions of competence and authority.
So instead of immediately correcting someone:
Pause
Let them finish
Respond clearly, not defensively
Grace doesn’t mean silence, it means control.
2. Let Your Actions Speak Before Your Words
One of the most powerful ways to handle being underestimated is to let consistency do the talking.
Behavioral research shows that credibility is built over time through aligned actions, not one-off explanations. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology highlights that people update their perceptions based on repeated behavior, not initial impressions.
In other words, you don’t need to announce your capability. You need to demonstrate it, calmly and consistently.
3. Set the Tone With How You Speak
Being firm doesn’t require being harsh.
Research shows that direct, neutral communication is often interpreted as more confident than emotional or overly polite language. According to studies on assertive communication, clarity builds respect faster than justification.
Try this:
Replace “I just think maybe…” with “What I recommend is…”
Replace “Sorry to bother you” with “I wanted to follow up on…”
Replace “Does that make sense?” with silence
Your tone sets the boundary.
4. Don’t Internalize Other People’s Projections
This one is important.
Psychology research consistently shows that underestimation often says more about the observer than the person being observed. Bias, insecurity, and past experiences all shape how people perceive others.
According to the NLM, self-worth remains most stable when individuals separate external evaluations from internal identity.
You don’t need to absorb someone else’s limited view of you.
Their assumption is not your assignment.
5. Know When to Address It, and When to Let It Go
Not every situation deserves correction. Some people aren’t meant to see your depth, and that’s okay.
But when it does matter, address it cleanly:
Calm tone
Clear language
No apology
Sometimes a simple “I actually have experience with this” or “I’ll take it from here” is enough.
Other times, the most powerful move is letting results speak.
Final Thought
Being underestimated can feel uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to make you smaller.
Grace is staying composed.
Firmness is staying aligned.
Confidence is knowing who you are, even when others don’t yet.
You don’t need to perform, explain, or prove yourself in every room. The right people will catch up. And the rest were never meant to lead you.
At PAPPI, we believe power doesn’t always announce itself, sometimes it walks in quietly and lets the room adjust.
Disclaimer
We are not psychologists. We simply love exploring topics like psychology, influence, style, and identity, and sharing what research + life teaches us. This post is not meant to serve as professional advice or formal education.
